🥕“GROW A GARDEN” TAKES OVER PLANET EARTH —

Robby Howard
Jul 21
2 min read

Kids Call It Fun, Parents Think It’s a Cult By The Real Doss Ferry Chronicle

Man, I don’t know what’s goin’ on with these kids anymore. I walked into my cousin's house the other day and thought they were holdin' a seance or tryin' to summon the ghost of Johnny Appleseed. Turns out? Nah. It was just “Grow a Garden” on Roblox.

Apparently, every child on Earth between the ages of 5 and 25 is now playin’ this thing like their life depends on it. College kids, middle schoolers, toddlers who still got cheese stick fingers—all out here tryin’ to grow digital cucumbers like it’s the Great Depression 2.0.

💻 “He Got a Rainbow Potato, Nana!”

I asked my nephew what he was playin’ and he said, “I’m trying to mutate my Volcanic Onion so I can unlock a Frostbee and double my Sheckle yield.”

I said, “Buddy… are you having a stroke? Or did I miss a chapter in the Bible?”

Kids these days ain’t even playin’ to win. They’re playin’ to water imaginary plants so they can buy virtual sprinklers that upgrade their drip efficiency. Back in my day, “drip” meant your cousin's nose was runnin' during hay fever season.

🧓 “He’s Been AFK for 3 Days, Martha.”

I talked to one mom who thought “AFK” was a vitamin deficiency. She said, “I’ve been puttin’ Pedialyte in his cereal just in case.”

Turns out it just means her kid’s been “Away From Keyboard” while his carrot empire keeps making money without him. There are entire Discord servers dedicated to farming strategies. These children are out here like Wall Street traders, but for beets.

One dad from Florida said his son sold a Zen Mushroom Penguin for $50 real dollars on some black market pet-trading server. That's not a game anymore—that’s crypto with vegetables.

🏆 Digital Dirt, Real Drama

The in-game trash talk is intense. Kids out here roastin’ each other with stuff like:

“Bro, your soil so dry it got eczema.”“You really tryna flex a Level 1 Peashooter in July?”

It’s not even about fun anymore. It’s about status. Crop clout. Digital dominance through lettuce.

📈 Just How Big Is It?

If you’re reading this thinking “Well surely this is just a cute little indie game,” hang onto your compost bin, Brenda:

🌍 Over 10 billion plays worldwide
🧑‍🌾 More than 2 million daily active players
🏆 Peak of 21 million concurrent players in June 2025—more than Fortnite, Minecraft, and Steam combined
💸 Estimated $150 million+ in revenue, mostly from kids trading pet eggs and rare seeds like they’re digital Pokémon cards
🇮🇱 Originally built by a 16-year-old kid from Israel in under a week
🐝 There are “limited event bees” worth more than some people’s rent