Alabama Town Solves Fire Chief Dispute by Paying One to Stay Home and Watch Netflix

TARRANT, AL— After four years of legal battles, heated city council meetings, and enough taxpayer money spent on lawyers to fund an entire fleet of fire trucks, the town of Tarrant has finally come to a groundbreaking solution for its fire department leadership crisis: just pay one of the chiefs $368,000 to do absolutely nothing.

Former Fire Chief Jason Rickels, who was originally fired by Mayor Wayman Newton but later declared un-fired by the Jefferson County Personnel Board on a technicality, has officially been reinstated—on the strict condition that he never actually show up to work. Meanwhile, the town’s other fire chief, Patrick Bennett, will continue to do actual fire chief things, like running the department and deciding which Dalmatian gets to ride in the truck.

City officials praised the move as a win-win for everyone involved.

“This is the best way forward,” said Councilwoman Veronica Freeman. “Chief Rickels, do not show up. Just don’t come. Everybody would be happy with that, and we’re through with it.”

Under the new agreement, Rickels will receive back pay for the four years he was technically maybe still employed? and continue receiving a salary through retirement—essentially becoming the first-ever government-funded professional couch sitter.

Mayor Newton, who initially fired Rickels after an incident involving an altercation with a realtor near Atlanta, is outraged by the arrangement, calling it a “no-show job.” However, city officials insist that it’s just an innovative new government position known as Paid-To-Not-Be-Here Specialist.

“This is a complete waste of public funds,” Newton fumed. “We have two fire chiefs: one that actually works and another that’s getting paid not to. That’s not how this should work!”

Councilwoman Cathy Anderson responded by reminding Newton that he, too, was still getting paid despite his job mostly consisting of arguing with the city council and posting angry statements on Facebook.

Legal analysts say this type of arrangement is not uncommon in small-town politics, where government positions often fall into three categories: 1) actually doing the job, 2) pretending to do the job, and 3) getting paid to not do the job.

Sources confirm that Rickels, now officially Tarrant’s highest-paid do-nothing employee, has been spotted at home testing the tensile strength of his recliner, assembling an extensive Hot Pocket collection, and browsing “How to Fake an Injury and Get More Workers’ Comp” YouTube tutorials.

Meanwhile, the city of Tarrant—population 6,000—continues to suffer from an annual budget that now consists mostly of legal settlements, mayoral grudges, and unpaid fire hydrant maintenance.

At press time, Rickels was seen checking Zillow listings in search of a new home in another town, preferably one with three fire chiefs and even better benefits.