BREAKING: The Real Doss Ferry Chronicle Has Convinced Modern-Day Lady Whistledown to Join Us -- A Royal Flush: The Tale of the Crowned Prince of Pipes By Modern-Day Lady Whistledown

Every once in a while, we at The Real Doss Ferry Chronicle get lucky enough to land someone with a sharp pen, a sharper tongue, and absolutely zero patience for political pageantry.

It is with great honor — and a little bit of gossip-induced anxiety — that we introduce a very special guest contributor to the RDFC: the elusive, elusive, truth-dropping Modern-Day Lady Whistledown.

She’ll be popping in occasionally to help us make sense of small-town soap operas dressed up as leadership, and today... she begins with a tale of pipes, princes, and power plays.

Now, without further ado… Lady Whistledown’s quill has hit the paper. Visit her page here 🪶 A Royal Flush: The Tale of the Crowned Prince of Pipes By The Modern-Day Lady Whistledown

Dearest Readers,

It seems Kimberly has found itself a newly minted royal—though not by birthright, nor ballot box, but rather by quiet appointment. Yes, one of your current mayoral hopefuls, affectionately dubbed “The Prince of Pipes,” has been thrust into the spotlight, his crown forged not in action, but in carefully crafted perception.

This, of course, is the very same gentleman who only recently graced the city council chambers—not by the will of the people, but by a nod and a handshake behind closed doors. And yet, barely a year into his tenure, he’s now heralded as the valiant hero who has “solved” a sewer crisis nearly a decade in the making.

How convenient.

One might be tempted to curtsy in gratitude—until one learns, from a fellow councilman no less, that the trio of Cowart, Dixon, and Ellerbrock have been discussing this very issue for years in hushed tones and private meetings. If the sewer solution was such a stroke of genius, why was it never deemed worthy of public announcement? Why the sudden fanfare—why now?

The answer, my darlings, is as pungent as the pipes in question: Election season is upon us.

Now, with a theatrical exit on the horizon for our current mayor, this so-called “inner circle” appears eager to pass the keys of the kingdom to their chosen successor without so much as a peep from the townsfolk. A smooth little succession plan, steeped in tradition, and entirely devoid of transparency.

But let us not be wooed by titles and tales spun in the eleventh hour. For while the city’s growth has surged like spring floodwaters, the leadership has remained stuck in the mud—reactive, not visionary.

So ask yourself, dear Kimberly:Is this really the future you deserve? Another royal handoff in the great house of Status Quo? Or is it finally time for something—and someone—different?

As always, I shall be watching. And writing. 🖋️

Yours in ink and intrigue, Lady Whistledown