The Real Doss Ferry Delivery Showdown: UPS vs FedEx vs Amazon Prime

Alright folks, it’s time to settle the age-old debate — which delivery crew gets my Amazon packages done right? Spoiler alert: it’s a wild ride either way.

 UPS: These folks are so speedy, they’re basically magicians. I swear, my package shows up before I even get the “Order Confirmed” email from Amazon. Like, how are they teleporting my stuff? I blink, and it’s on my porch. I’m half convinced they got a time machine hidden in that brown truck. UPS, what’s your secret?

 FedEx: Now, FedEx delivery is a whole vibe. My last package? Rolled up with a driver who looked like he was filming a music video — bumping 18’s through the speakers, rocking a black and mild cigar, and tossing my boxes around like they were auditioning for a circus act. I half expected him to hit a freestyle rap right there in my driveway. FedEx, you keep it interesting.

 Amazon Prime: These drivers are stealth ninjas in electric trucks. They roll up around 9 PM, sneak into my neighbor’s yard, and casually leave my package on the neighbor’s roof. Yep, the roof. I’ve had to climb a ladder more times than I’d like just to retrieve my stuff. Amazon Prime, what’s up with the treasure hunt delivery?

Bonus Round: Shoutout to the Walmart Gardendale delivery guy I saw once. Showed up in a ’87 Buick Regal with spinners, fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror, blue jean shorts, and cowboy boots. If that’s not the wild west of delivery, I don’t know what is.

All in all, each one’s got their own style, but I’m just here hoping my packages survive the journey and end up in my hands instead of some weird adventure.

UPS FedEx Amazon Prime — y’all keeping delivery entertaining, that’s for sure.